When Crushable asked me to write a celebrity nightlife column, I was like WHOA, best job ever, right? I’ve been Vajazzled, I’ve dated a Scientologist, and boned in my mom’s bed, but I’ve never, like, reported-reported. Except for the time I got hit on by John Mayer - ha!

Getting paid to hang out at the hottest clubs with celebrities whose numbers are now in my Crackberry is the best thing ever. The only downsides are I sleep with my Crackberry on my pillow (in case Michael Lohan texts) AND I’m borderline addicted to Adderall. Sometimes I rub a little coke on my gums just to stay awake because the nights are SO LONG. My hours are, like, 6 p.m. to 2 a.m., and then I’m supposed to go home and file. But it’s hard to write about my friends, you know? Which is why I have a pseudonym (hahaha).

The funny thing is, my job started last weekend. Michael has been so great – he email intro-ed me with Jon Gosselin and I’m trying to get to Lindsay, who’s in jailsies. Meanwhile, that slore Kate Major is so hein. She heard about me and tried to Facebook friend me and I was like, no. OH. So, right now, I’m posting at an Internet cafe outside the Jersey Shore house, where I’m currently staking out “the situation” – ha! The third season is ON and my editor tells me Pauly D and The Situation aren’t getting along because his ego is too big. I’m like, he’s the Situation – his ego SHOULD be big. If Mike – the Situation, not Lohan! – ever hit on me, I’m not gonna exactly complain. I feel like Mike gets all in his head and loner-y because he is sensitive underneath all the fame and ab action. He needs a real girlfriend, because Snooki and JWOWW have their own things going on, like getting New York Times profiles and endorsing anti-aging skincare lines.

My assignment is to report – blah blah blah, my editor got me a tape recorder, I ’should use it,’ blah blah blah – and dig up some info on the the new girl castmate. BUT my goal is to get close to The Situation and maybe … something more. I always wanted to be on a reality show, even like a minimal part (a la Frankie Delgado on The Hills). Or like those chicks from Downtown Girls, who are so spot-on with the dating scene here in NYC. I haven’t quite figured it out but I want to date a celebrity until I do. My editor seems OK with this, as long as I file at the end of the day.

My friend told me Amy Robach from the Today show said aloud, “I want to date a celebrity.” So she went out and met Andrew Shue, who became her husband. Another friend dated Josh Groban, who was so into her but she wasn’t as into him. If I had the chance to date Josh Groban, I would. And he would sing at our wedding reception, which would be featured in In Style and one of those wedding shows on TLC. Not Bridezillas.

So this weekend I’m hitting up some parties in the Hamptons – I’m on Scott-and-Kourtney watch – and partake of the open bars and the booooooooys. In the meantime, I’ll keep you posted on what happens with The Situation.

Until next week,

Robin xoxo

Post from: Crushable

Robin Sparkles: I Love The Celebrity Nightlife!

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