People Who Turned Down Dancing With the Stars – Mark Zuckerberg, Ann Coulter, Condoleezza Rice, and Richard Branson? All apparently asked to appear on DWTS, along with some unexpected others. (via The Hollywood Reporter)
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The greatest memes are all time are perfect in their simplicity: That’s why the “macro-images” or “big pictures with giant text” are so popular with the kids these days. From Bachelor Frog to Socially Awkward Penguin, animals surrounded by bright, concentric colors and weird messages have filled some need in web culture to have the most trivialities of life explode in weird macros. And while we generally have more important things to do with our day than look at memegenerator.net, the latest viral sensation “Freshman Ferret” may as well have sprung from our own minds.
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MacroMeme of the Week: Freshman Ferret
As a culture, have we reached our level of satiation with the cast of the Jersey Shore? And if so, what can MTV’s producers do to bring back our waning interest? In this chapter we’ll discuss:
• The over-emphasis on the mundane:
By keeping this season almost solely focused on Ronnie, Sammi, and the uninteresting fights that spring up around them, we are left wanting to know more. Why else would we be teased by these underplayed hookups of Snooki and Vinnie? Or have only 2 minutes of the show dedicated to perhaps the most important event in Jersey Shore history…alpha male Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino having possibly hooked up with a tranny? Despite being in near tears over the mistake in the confessional, we are given no further explanation of Michael’s behavior that night, nor clues to where he or his sister went during the final fight of the episode (JWOWW v. Sammi). Were they still at the club? Did Michael go home with a man? Since we are never told, the audience assumes he didn’t (or else why wouldn’t we be shown?). But what has been left on the cutting room floor this season is far more interesting, we gather, than what made it on screen.
• The glossing over of the absurd:
“Shalom!” exclaims Snooki, while she and the girls down their drinks in giant sombreros. Ronnie’s sudden, inexplicable expertise on how to take care of drunk people after Pauly D. gets too wasted. “One foot on the bed, one foot on the floor,” he confidently demands of his intoxicated buddy, despite the fact that for the last 6 weeks, we have yet to see Ronnie come home with the ability to walk or form coherent sentences. Vinnie also takes the moment to gleefully exclaim “Pauly was so drunk, he’d hook up with me!” The girls cook dinner, and despite a minor mishap with some vodka burning, the meal is tolerable. Again, this is never explained, even as great pains are made to point out that the girls left the grocery list in the store. JWOWW and Sammi get into several explosive fights about Ronnie’s behavior, only to have the camera cut away halfway through the scene to show that Ronnie is, in fact, in the room. The word Kafka-esque may be overused and typically applied to red-tape bureaucracy, but is equally applicable in the majority of dead-ends that this twisty-turny show has taken us on this season without resolving. So we keep coming back? Perhaps.
• Red herrings:
Angelina’s almost Shakespearean role as the tragic messenger that is to be shot, over and over again, as well as her ability to act as her own grenade. The aforementioned grocery list, the grenade in that sleeps in Ronnie’s bed in the last episode, the sudden change in Vinnie’s character including the purchase (or ownership?) of giant diamond bling, Sammi’s obvious and very serious depression, anything that happens in the gelato store…all these are plot contrivances that make us look at the left hand for a moment while the right hand fills up another 40 minutes with questions of “Who wrote the note?” In the end, is Sammi’s note to be the one thing we have to cling to?
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Jersey Shore Cliff Notes 2.6: Ignoring the Tranny in the Room
Time Warner’s description of last night’s Jersey Shore was pretty ridiculous. Has the show really gotten so uninteresting that “revealing a fact” counts as high drama? (I don’t know: “Not So Shore” is still on my DVR, waiting for me to find some free time and a beer.) Plus, the goofballs over at TW spelled Snooki’s name wrong. Who’s writing this stuff – ferrets in jester hats?
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The Daily WTF: Snooki Reveals a Fact
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen’s little sis is stepping into her siblings’ Louboutins. Young Lizzie Olsen is set to star in the indie film Martha Marcy May Marlene, playing a young woman who has recently escaped from a cult . The actress will also be seen in the upcoming Peace, Love & Misunderstanding, alongside Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Catherine Keener.
The 21-year-old is currently a student at NYU, the school her sisters briefly attended before dropping out. In addition to Lizzie, the Olsen brood includes older brother Todd and a pair of half-siblings: Taylor and Jake. Lizzie was recently featured in our Best of Celebrity Siblings gallery, along with Dan Gordon-Levitt and Zac’s little bro Dylan Efron.
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Elizabeth Olsen Lands Indie Film
Earlier this week we were introduced to 3 new cast members that will be joining Saturday Night Live in the midst of Will Forte (and perhaps others?) departure from the NBC staple. Now there is video of a 4th ringer, the young Jay Pharoah, whose claim to fame so far is doing a pretty good Will Smith and Denzel Washington impression.
So while Keenan Thompson’s status is up in the air, we hope Jay’s arrival doesn’t mean that Lorne Michaels is axing the only other African-American cast-member, but rather that Armenian Fred Armisan no longer has to play Barack Obama. (After all, both Denzel and Will have been duking it out for the right to play our president on the big-screen.)
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Video: Jay Pharoah Added to SNL Lineup For More Racially Diverse Cast
Breaking Dawn Walks Like An Egyptian – Okay, vampires and pyramids? That’s actually sort of original. We’re impressed that the final Twilight films will be adding desert hottie Rami Malek (from Night at the Museum) to play the Egyptian Benjamin. Now, if only he were Saphardic, so our Bubby’s would approve! (via Fandango)
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So this is a thing: ferrets wearing jester hats. Seriously, there are SO MANY photos of ferrets wearing jester hats! What’s the impulse behind dressing your pet rodent like a Medieval court clown? We don’t know, but we’re not complaining. Here are some of the best of the web’s ferret buffoons.
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Cutegreggator: Ferrets in Jester Hats
Crushable wants to make sure you’re always having a good time. That’s why we’re giving a Nintendo DSi XL to one lucky Crushable fan. All you have to do to be eligible to win is become a fan of Crushable on Facebook by 5 p.m. EST on Wednesday, September 8. Just click here hit the “Like” button. Do it now!
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Rick Astley, whose popular 1987 hit “Never Gonna Give You Up” has spawned a generation of Internet meme-age, has recorded a video for his first single in 17 years, “Lights Out.” Now, since the whole point of being Rickrolled is being tricked into watching “Never Gonna Give You Up,” pretending Rick Astley had a new song would be a perfect prank. But we are not children. We promise, “Lights Out” is a real song. Discussion after the video.
1. Old Rick doesn’t look so bad.
2. Actually, he’s sort of hot…but way more British.
3. What happened to his signature red hair?
4. We’re glad he didn’t get rid of this sweeping arm gesture though:
5. Wait…does that mean he’s rickrolling us?
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Video: 5 Comments on Rick Astley’s New Single, Lights Out (No Rickroll)
